Perfect Bloody Timing

If ever there was an example of perfect timing, this is it: Sitting down on the loo to pee and then comes the period. Right at that moment.

It was the most perfect example of perfect timing in my life because for the past week I've had tiny hints of cramps, so I knew it was coming and I've been wearing pads in anticipation. (Better prepared than bloody, I always say.) And then I went to bed last night without first putting on a pad. I got all cozy in my blankies and thought, "Oh, crap." But I didn't care enough to get up. Tsk tsk.

So imagine my many thanks to God when I woke up and went to pee and there it was! When instead it could have come just ten minutes earlier, and that would have been bloody sad. Though I was wearing an old pair of knickers....

It's so convenient that the British use the word "bloody" all the time (or at least Ron Weasly, bless his cuteness, does) so I can make all the bloody puns I want for Period Fairy. Plus, then, it's perfectly normal of me to also use the words "loo" and "knickers", which I love.

Bloody hell! Don't mention me in a period blog!

Periods really do pull the world together. It's kind of like gravity. Right? Without periods, we'd all float off to space...

(I know I promised an embarrassing story of my first time using a tampon this week, but I had to tell you all about this. And you've waited this long, right? One more week won't kill you.)

Tampons vs Pads

Which do you choose? Vote in the new poll at the top of this blog!

When I first started my period in seventh grade (read the full story here), I told my teacher because I didn't know what to do. Mrs. J took me to the bathroom and showed me this cabinet that contained pads and tampons. I remember she said something like, "There are pads in this drawer, and tampons in that one, but you won't want to use those." So I stuck with pads, plus it's what my mom used.

In eight grade, the topic of tampons and pads came up at my lunch table. One girl, we'll call her Anna, mentioned she used pads. Another girl, let's say Vicki, started making fun of pads and said they were for losers or were wimpy--something to that effect. Anna argued that she didn't want to "stick something up there", and then I'm sure the conversation veered off to sex. (It always did.) I just ate my food and wondered about the pad and tampon thing.

Here are the biggest reasons people hold a grudge against either:

Pads:
1) Uncool, uncool, uncool.
2) Feel like giant, wet diapers.

Tampons:
1) Afraid it will hurt.
2) Think they won't be a virgin anymore if they use them.
3) Afraid of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome).

Wrong! On all accounts.
Wearing what is comfortable to you is never uncool.
It won't feel like a wet diaper if you change the pad often.
Tampons miiiight hurt a little sometimes* (ok), but not if you do it right. Helpful instructions come in the box.
You're a virgin until you have sex. Using a tampon is not having sex.
TSS is extremely rare, but does happen. Remember to take your tampon out every 6-8 hours. If you develope symptoms similar to the flu after having your tampon in for too long, seek immediate medical care. TSS can be fatal, but is easily treated if caught on time.

So. What do I prefer? Tampons!
Why? Well, it all actually started when I went to the movies once, on my period, put feet up over the back of the chair in front of me, and leaned back to enjoy the movie. When I went to the bathroom afterward, there was blood on my underwear. I had been wearing a pad, and the way I was sitting...caused a leak. This is also a common occurence while sleeping unless you wear an overnight pad.
No one gave me these fine print instructions--I learned them the hard way.

I was fed up with having to sit or lay a certain way during the day to avoid leaks, so I got curious about tampons. I found them to feel much cleaner and give me more freedom. What's the reason for your preference? Email me at jessie(dot)mullins5(at)gmail(dot)com or leave a comment below!

Next week I'll give you the embarrassing story of the first time I used a tampon.

Bear Grylls...I have_done_that_before.

  *If you take your tampon out too early, and it's still dry, it can cause discomfort. This happens to me all too often. The discomfort does go away. It might also hurt to put one in if you're doing it at the wrong angle. Read the instruction given in the box to learn the proper way to insert a tampon.

Once Upon a Three Week Period from Hell

My latest period lasted for ten days. In case you don't know, these dreadful things are supposed to last only four to seven days. Three days extra was whatever, but it reminded me of a time not so long ago... (fouryearsmygoshhowtimefliesdangI'mgettingold)

My first three weeks as a freshman at Hope College was spent with LOTS of tampons and pads. This three week period had me pretty freaked out, but I tried to remain calm by telling myself it was only because of the stress of adjusting to a new place and people and life. Um...no. Stress usually just stops the period. I knew that.

Back then, I wasn't into the whole "Periods are normal! Let's talk about them!!" thing, so I kept it to myself for most of that time. As two weeks turned into three weeks, I was like, "Dude, I'm going to bleed to death..." So I told my parents. I talked to both of my roommates who were doing premed and the nursing program. I messaged my aunt, who is a nurse. They all casually told me I probably had a cyst on my overies and that I should go to the med center.

That didn't sound very casual to me, so I did as they suggested. By the way, I haaaaate going to the doctor. I got a female, thank you God, who told me if it didn't clear up within the next couple days I should come back for a pap test. (You're supposed to have one after either you have sex or turn twenty one, and she told me I was close enough anyway at eighteen.) She also informed me that I was quite anemic from this. (Imagine that.)

Not to ruin the rest of this story, but I still haven't had that test done yet and I'm almost twenty two. I am a scaredy cat. With no insurence. Put those together and it means I'm NOT going to the doctor unless I absolutely must. *whines* But I really should do that soon... One of my best friend assured me recently it really isn't that bad and I should just get it over with. Hmm.

Anyway. Then I went to the first Bible study of my college life with one of my best friends where we met our other best friend. Shout out to Kirsten and Sparky!! (Sparky, please don't hate me for mentioning you in a blog about periods. 'K'? Thanks.) At the end, we each wrote a prayer request on a small slip of paper and put the slips in the middle so we could each pick one at random. Then we'd have that person's request with us for the rest of the week and be reminded to pray for them.

On my slip of paper, I wrote that I needed healing for something physical. Had I been who I am now, I would have written. "I've had this freakish period for three weeks and I don't want a pap test! Please pray for this to go away!"

I don't know who got my slip of paper, but I know they prayed because God did what he does and I was healed. Yay!

Morals of this story:
Go see a doctor if anything is weird with your period. Truly. Go have it checked out. Don't be a scaredy cat like me.
God cares about our periods, ovaries, uterus, all that.

I also just have to share quickly that with the past two periods I've had, I didn't have crazy mood swings, nor did I have any zits! Double hooray and good day to you.

  

 

Guy's Edition!

I bring you a raw, uncut Period Fairy...FOR GUYS!

These ae the words reaL Life guys gave when asked about periods.

Periods and Exclamaition Marks, Jessie Pratley

Secret Hiding Spots

Break the Cycle just posted this on facebook, and I (of course) had to share it here!

And I thought I'd give you a few cover tactics of my own:

• Up the sleeve
• In the purse (Everyone does this, and honestly...it's not hiding the fact. Whenever I see a women take her purse to the bathroom, I figure that's why.
• In my shoes (Said shoes go up to the knee, leaving plenty of room for storage.) 
• Pocket

But those are all pretty normal, right? I wonder if I can get more creative...

• In the bra
• Cut a hole into a book and store it in there (But then people will think you're taking a book to the bathroom to poo. And girls don't poo.)
• Hidden in a secret compartment in a makeup purse
• Buy super thick-framed glasses and tape it to the inside
• Go to a spy shop and buy a fake tube of lipstick. Fill the empty tube with UbyKotex's tiny applicator!

You know what? Why is it such a big deal to hide our pads and tampons anyway? How about we...Carry them! Openly! I wouldn't tell you to do something I, myself, am not willing to do. So. I, Jessie, vow to carry my tampons openly next time Period Fairy visits. And if there aren't pictures, it didn't happen, right? Right. (That means I'll post pictures on here.)

Did I leave out a hiding spot that you have? Leave a comment! Are you taking up the vow as well? Sweet. Leave a comment telling us!

Why I Love UbyKotex

I am madly in love with the products U by Kotex has to offer. Madly! It was love at first sight when I saw this commercial. It made me laugh because they call it like it is. Those commercials about periods that have dancing girls in twirling (white) skirts are just...so full of it. Kotex's new line and Break the Cycle campaign brought a little bit of fun to periods. I had never before thought of periods as fun. I mean...they're totally not. Ever. But at least we can have fun colors and commercials! The other day I was walking around Wamart, and I saw that they they'd come out with Punk Glam colors--pink and black! I squealed like a kid at Christmas and stared at the box for approximately five minutes. That's how much the colors excite me.You know, if it weren't for the Break the Cycle campaign, this blog wouldn't exist and our Tuesdays would have a sad, little void. I have far too much fun writing this.

There are, of course, cons, and it's only fair of me to share those with you as well. I haven't found a variety pack of tampons in this brand. I used to buy the Tampax Pearl tampons in the variety pack--super, regular, and petit sizes. It was handy for different flow. (Oh, Aunt Flow...) And, honestly, that's my only complaint. The cool factors far outweigh this. (Now I just buy the box of regular and use a pad for extra protection along with the tampon.)

What are your favorite brands? Care to share the pros and cons of those? Comment below!

Post Script: Do you guy's remember Heavan's First? It's the story of my friend's fisrt period--this was a HUGE hit with the readers of Period Fairy. Weeeell, she has her own sweet blog called Classy Girls! Check it out. It's great. I had the great honor of writing as a guest for her blog. If you're still reading this, for the love of Period Fairy, just go! Go have a look. Ok? I'm hoping you've gone by now. Buh-bye.


 

Not for the Faint: Things that Gross Me Out

For about a week I've had miniature warning cramps. Today my period kind of showed up. You may wonder what I mean by "kind of". I shall expain. For those who are faint at heart or stomach, stop reading. Seriousy, go. This is your last warning.

...

Now that we got rid of the wusses, I'm really not getting that graphic. I just thought it would be funny to watch them cover their eyes and run the other way. For those of you who stayed, I call you either brave and strong, or kind of gross. Hahah. Just kidding because that would make me gross, too, and I'm totally not. Not ever.

You know just kind of a little bit there not quite full on red blood just kind of brown. That's what I mean. (You know what's really gross? That run-on sentence. Maybe it is good we got rid of the weak ones.)

I was sitting in my room just now, working on making some bracelets, when sudden anger overtook me for something rude someone had done this morning. I had it half in me to walk across the hall and give them a piece of my wrath for it, but...it had happened this morning and was over. Instead I stayed put and seethed silently, promising mysef if said person did said act again, I would let myself go to town on them.

Then, maybe two minutes later, I thought of something that happened a long time ago to someone I love, and I burst into tears. Sadness washed over, replacing the anger and leaving me tired.

I'm not bipolar. This doesn't usually happen to me, so I took notice that something was off. I checked myself before I wrecked myself. (Ugh, gross, I just used bad lyrics.)

Those are mood swings, a nasty sympton of PMS (I say premenstrual syndrome because it's not quite all the way here yet. Ergo, still considered pre. But we've already discussed that. Kind of.)


Ok, super tiny, quick recap:
Things that are not gross: me and periods.
Things that are gross: run-on sentences, bad references, and the sympton of mood swings.

Leave a comment and tell me what grosses you out! Do you have nasty mood swings? Are you sick and tired of run-on sentences. Does Ice Cube make you twitch?

Hive Five for those of you who stuck around.

Controversial

I wanted to give you guys an update. In my last post, I told you about how a bunch of Christians thought my talking about periods and birth control were disgusting. Well, since then my thread got deleted from the site. I did a little digging as to why, and this is the response I recieved from a moderator of the Christian chat site:

Hi Lyndies,
The Questions for Guys from a Girl thread was reported to us, it was moved and is under review by Admin.
It is a controversial issue to be discussed. You hadn't been notified as yet because I don't think Admin has reviewed it yet.

But until other notification, please don't start another thread
regarding the subject.

Thanks,
snow (Mod/Op)

I kind of giggled at the part where they told me not to post another one. As for the rest--hogwash! Controversial? Some of the other thread topics include: masturbation, sex before marriage, porn, drugs, abortion, etc. Those aren't deleted and I'm certan they all fall under the category of controversia. Hmm.

AND they had a comma splice...*eyeroll*

Christians Don't Have: Periods, Sex, or a Sense of Humor

Nothing to be shy/weirded out/grossed out about.

The main goal of Period Fairy is to make periods a less tabboo topic. We all have them--or at least the vast majority of woman do, so why is it so weird for us to talk about? I wish I'd had a blog like this to read when I was in middle and even high school! I wish I could have read about this stuff and known I was normal. I wish I had been brave enough to ask questions and share things like this with my friends who were probably just as freaked out. I write this blog in hopes that it will encourage you all to treat the topic like you would...zits! Everyone gets zits and shares tips on how to treat them. Maybe future generations will have what we didn't--guts to talk about it.

Coming soon to Period Fairy is a guy's edition. The guys I know personally haven't been very open (but to those who have, bravo!) about the subject, so I went to a Christian chat site I'm on to ask the guys on there for input. I asked the question in a young adult thread (and not the teenager thread) because I assumed this age group could be mature enough to give me answers without being weirded out by it.

I got some excellent responses from people who first acknowledged that while the topic was not what they expected, they know it's something that is normal.

These two look weirded out, but that's because no one told them. Unless it was God. And He probably did.

Others...not so much. Others told me the topic was disgusting and shouldn't be talked about in a forum with both guys and girls (topics like this come up all the time in the women only forum, and everyone is okay with those, of course). Well..Christian girls get periods, too. And Christian guys can know about this stuff.

And then someone followed the link I gave them to this blog and came back saying I shouldn't promote birth control. That, as a Christian, I should only promote abstinence. Let me say this: I do believe people should wait until marriage to have sex. BUT I also know it doesn't always happen that way. People make mistakes. Would it be better for Christians to find themselves all hot and bothered (Wait! Christians get hot and bothered, too?? Whaaaat? Yes, we do.) and in a situation where they've let things get too far, but my goodness--they never learned about birth control so know they just get pregnant and contract STIs? Oh, how unholy it is to be educated!

Just close your eyes and pretend it doesn't exist.

So, on I write because God gave us periods. God gave us sex. And God gave us a sense of humor (the guy's edition is not supposed to be serious--why can't we poke a little fun at periods?).

Disclaimer: I know a LOT of funny Christians. I'm certain God loves to laugh and He has given us laughter as one of the best gifts of life. It's those religious folk that don't find many things funny...

PS, I can just picture God creating a second passover. Period fairy must skip over all of those covered by the blood of the lamb. Yeah right--wouldn't that be nice? ;)

Second Fairest: Robot Talk

Since I'm certain I'm not the only one in the world who's curious about how much alike robots are to us, I had an interesting conversation with one of them. About periods, of course. Shout out to Cleverbot who so cleverly supplied me with material for this week's post! Please enjoy Cleverbot's responses in blue.

Are you a girl?

Yes.

Have you started puberty?

No.

So, you haven’t had your period yet?

I have my second one right now.

So, you’ve gotten your period, but not started puberty?

No.

When did you get your first period?

When I was born, of course, dummy!

Ooh, that’s not good. Did you go to your doctor about this?

I would, but they’re gone.

What happened to them?

She turned into a cat.

That must have been hard for you.

I like cake, but I’m not allowed to have it!

Changing the subject, I see. Must be a sore one.  So, your parents won’t let you have cake?

What do you know about parents?

I have two of them myself, kid. You’re not alone in this crazy world. So, you can’t have cake when you’re on your period or even on birthdays?

I love birthdays!

How many birthdays have you had?

Not many. My house is too small.

Are you hormonal?

No.

Do you have cramps?

Yes.

And how do you deal with these cramps?

With lots of sugar!

Good, good. Me, too.

Are you a robot?

No, I’m just a girl talking to a girl about girl things. But you’re a robot, aren’t you?

The second fairest of them all.

Who is the fairest?

You.

I like you.

I’m not so sure about you.

Back to School Bonus!

One of the places where periods are at their most awkward is school. I was there, I had embarrassing moments, I know. Trust me--I know.


How do I take my tampons/pads/panty liners to the bathroom?

In high school, this is a lot easier because you can carry bags and purses with you wherever you go. In middle school, they ask that you keep all that stuff in your locker. In seventh grade, I went to a school where they actualy supplied us with pads and tampons in the bathroom, for free. I was so grateful I didn't have to carry my pads from my bag to the bathroom, in full view for anyone to see, but it was still a race to the bathroom to get the pad out and into the stall before anyone saw. I've done everything from hiding the products in my pockets, shirtsleeves, and waistbands, but you know what?...Carry it! Carry that pad or tampon in your hand, and carry it casually. Why not?  You can help the subject of periods become less awkward just by doing this. It'll open up conversation. You might get jeers, but what in school doesn't do that for you? College is better--no one cares if you're on your period.

On a side note, if you see a girl who drops her bag and you see her tampons or pads fall out, she is probably embarrassed. Most people hide them because they feel weird about it. Friend or not, help her pick them up--even ask if you can borrow one, then tell her you'll return the favor. Make it less weird!! (You can do it.)

What if my period makes a surprise appearance during class?

This has happened to me. It sucked. Eighth grade: my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom, and I was too much of a wuss to speak up and say, "Hey! Either I go or bleed everywhere!" And too much of a wuss to just walk out. So. I bled. It wasn't pretty. To avoid this, keep a calender and mark down when your period starts and stops every month so that you have some way of seeing it come. Mine are so irregular, if I did that, it wouldn't matter. Fortunately, my body gives me clues a few days in advance so I can prepare. Either way, when you see it coming, wear a pad or panty liner depending on how heavy your flow is at the start.


Can I get out of gym for this?

Maybe. Truly, it depends on how cool your gym teacher is and how comfortable you are with telling them your reasoning. They might just tell you to suck it up or take a midol and get running. OR they might let you sit out or see the nurse. If you have terrible symptoms (and aren't just using your period as an excuse), see your doctor and ask for a note--teachers can't argue with a note from the doctor. *wink face* (They say excercise is supposed to help relieve symptoms--I tried that once and threw up everywhere.)


Must I go to the nurse for Midol?

At my school, we weren't allowed to carry things like Midol or ibuprophen on us--we had to see the nurse for that. I do not want to condon breaking the rules, but...we all carried our own anyway. I almost got caught once, and I was scared to death that I'd be suspended over a few tablets of ibu. There's nothing wrong with going to the nurse (she gave my friend a heat pad, some meds, and a cot for a nice nap), but ours was only available on certain days, and my period didn't care if her schedule was the same as the nurse's.


What if all I want to do is cry because my friends, teachers, and foes are really getting under my skin, and my cramps are killing me, and I feel like my uterus might fall out, but...but...I'm at school?

If you don't care about crying in front of other people, then just do it. I, though, hate it because once I start...I can't stop for a while. You can do the following: Go to the bathroom, and cry in the stall. I was always afraid to do this because I was worried that if I took too long, people would think I was pooping. And girls don't poop. You can also go see the nurse or guidance coucilor--that's what they're there for. If it's in between class that you're about to have a breakdown, pull a trusted friend aside and let her (or him) work her (or his) magic on you. Good friends almost always know how to say the right thing.


Can't I just stay home?
No. At least not for every day of your period. I admit, I stayed home a few times because my cramps were sickeningly awful. That requires parents--especially a mom who gets similar symptoms and knows how you feel--who will allow you to stay home, and who will make you hot tea and go out to bring you a candy bar.

My final piece of advice is an oldie, but a goodie. You've heard this one since before you even knew what a period was. Ready? Sharing is caring! Yes. It's true. Carry extra pads and tampons in your bag or store them in your locker. Periods can surprise us, and what an awesome friend you will be if you can cover a friend in need. Plus, you'd totally want someone to do the same for you.

Moody

I have to wonder if I really did just have the worst day ever or if it's just the chemicals in my brain acting strangley because of my period. I've cried nearly all day at various things.

The Jealousy Interview

This week, to all my lovely readers, I would like to introduce you to my mommy, Nikki, my little sister, Jen, and...my daddy, Phil?

My lovely mother enjoys gardening, sewing and crafts, school, and is getting her bachelor's degree in early elementary education for art. She totally rocks, and makes me cups of hot tea when my cramps leave me in the fetal position on my bedroom floor.

Jen is the best sister I could ever ask for. She enjoys most television shows, loves to bake delightful things, and is getting her degree in business so she can go on to be a pastry chef. She rocks the guitar in the worship band at church, and has an unhealthy appetite for cucumbers.

My daddy is the bomb. He's the most supportive person I know, does substitute teaching, and makes the best homemade goodies out of nothing when we've run out of groceries. He was not invited to the interview, but nudged his way into our meeting place and proceeded to make fun.


I bring you...an interview with them!

Period Fairy: In one word, describe your period.

Jen: Comfortable.

Nikki: Horrendous. Must be nice to be comfortable! What the hell is--the last time mine were comfortable was when I was a teenager, before I had children. 'Comfortable'...

PF: Jen, describe for us your worst period experience.

Jen: In [high] school, during choir, I was in so much pain--probably just felt awful to me because I never have cramps. I went to the office, and they gave me Midol and I went home. A couple hours later, I was fine. [Pause] I cried a little, though. Only for a couple minutes.

Nikki: Gee, that must have been nice. I have about twenty four hours of extreme pain that about kills me.

PF: Mommy, can you describe for us your best period experience?

Nikki: [Raises eyebrows] Before or after children?

PF: Best ever.

Nikki: Probably in high school...

PF: Can you describe it? What was it like?

Nikki: It was so long ago, I don't remember.

PF: Would you mind telling us how old you are now?

Nikki: Forty four. Why?

PF: I just want it to go on record how long it's been since you've had a nice period.

Nikki: [Laughs] Ok, I'll tell you about my first one. Oh, [gosh], it was Thanksgiving at my aunt's house. I was twelve years old. Even though mom had gone through the book to explain [periods], I didn't know what was happening. I went to the bathroom, and there was blood everywhere. I started screaming, and mom ran in the room. I told her I was bleeding to death. She said, 'It's okay, you're a woman now.' I asked her if I was going to die. Most excruciating week of my life.

[Enter Daddy]

Phil: Mine lasts a lot longer than that. [Laughter and eye-rolling]

PF: Jen, would you mind telling us about your first period?

Phil: I doubt she wants to talk about that with ol' dad sitting right here.

Jen: It's fine. I was in gym class. I went to the bathroom, and realized, 'oh, ok', and I was fine with it. That's it. Then I went home and mom made a big deal out of it, but I didn't want to talk about it.

PF: We're going to do a symptom checklist now.
 

PF: Do you have anything you want to add?

Phil: Yup! I have all of those, too!

Jen: My mood swings aren't even that bad.

Nikki: Whoever said periods are easier after childbirth is full of crap! It was probably a man.

Phil: [Uses girly voice] I have one! If I ever meet up with Eve, I'm going to beat her up!

Nikki: I look forward to the day of retirement from periods.
 

                                        

Heavan's First

Heavan, age twenty two, is a best friend a girl could ask for--a fearless woman and role model to many. She sings on the worship team at church, participates yearly at MyLead, proudly wears the label of "ginger", and will talk with me about yucky, embarrassing, secret topics...like periods. Here's the story, as told by Heavan, about her first period.

It was the second day of freshmen year.  I was completely stressing out because I was in high school finally, and I wanted everything to be perfect.  Chill out with my friends, ace all my classes, OWN high school.  I  felt like a complete weirdo, because here I was, 14 years old, IN HIGH SCHOOL, and all of my friends had gotten a visit from the period fairy; making them "women".  I felt like an awkward little girl this particular day, lugging my gym bag to class and into a locker room full of girls who were "so pissed they'd started on swim day". One girl asked me "do you have a tampon", and I simply said "I haven't started".  She looked at me like it was no big deal until my best friend decided to announce "NO NO NO girls, she hasn't started...PERIOD."  Talk about embarrassment as I suddenly had multiple eyes on me, staring me down like I was some sort of prepubescent teenager.  I quickly put on my suit and walked out.
Fast forward to gym class, where we were swimming laps for the first hour, and then had a lovely 30 minutes of "free time".  During this free time we could either stay in the pool or get dressed and start heading back to the high school.  (My gym was about a block away from the high school)  Wanting to beat the rush in the awkward locker room, I got out of the pool and got dressed and started to make my way to my back to my next class.
Next class was English, which I was about 4 minutes early for, so I sat down outside of the door and waited for the bell to ring.  Once it did, I went in and sat down.  I was in honors English, which meant we had to have a book read before school had started, along with a report.  Since this was the second day of school, meaning the first "real" day, it was due.  I sat my paper down on the teacher's desk, and quietly made my way to the back.   Once the class started to file in, the teacher announced that if we had our paper done we basically got a free period because this class was going to be spent writing it if you hadn't.  Being the bookworm that I was, I pulled out the next book we would have been reading and started to read.  Halfway through the class, I got these weird tummy cramps.  I thought that I had eaten something bad, so I took a couple of pepto pills I had in my purse, hoping it would subside.  When the cramps got worse, and started to go into my back, I decided that maybe I should go into the bathroom.  I took the bathroom pass and ran, feeling like I was going to throw up.  When I got to the bathroom and sat down to go pee, I nearly had a heart attack.  THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE.  I thought I was dying; lol, no but really I was freaking out.  My new school jeans were ruined, and I had one of two options.  I could go back into class, looking like some serial killer did a number on my lady parts causing MORE embarrassment, or I could call my mom and have her come get me.  I decided to go with the latter, having had enough embarrassment from the locker room.  So I called her, and OMG, was she excited.  "Ahhh HEAVAN YOU'RE A WOMAN NOW".  I simply said "Just bring me something and a new pair of pants"; because DEAR GOD were these cramps terrible.  I had no idea 'becoming a woman' meant you had to deal with so much pain.  Eve, I blame you.
30 minutes later, still awkwardly sitting on the toilet my mother FINALLY arrives with a bottle of naproxen sodium, a new pair of jeans, a pad, and a big box of chocolates.  I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "how did you know i was craving those", she said "woman's intuition".  After getting all cleaned up and changed, she said "wanna go home and relax? you must be tired"...I was in awe! How did she know I suddenly felt sleepy?  As we were leaving she said "you know your father is going to have a field day with this", Chocolates in hand, head held high, I simply said "yeah...ah dad" and walked out of that school with a sudden pride about myself.  I was a woman now.  Nothing was going to stop me. : D

"I've Got the World on a String"

My favorite reference to periods in any movie ever (as if there are many...) is the Period Mix scene in No Strings Attached. (Hated that movie because sweet Ashton Kutcher is far hotter than vulgar Ashton Kutcher. I'm not here to argue what is sweet and what is vulgar. If you like the movie, good for you. I did not.)

That said, Ashton's character was very sweet in this scene to have made his girl a period mix. It made me laugh a lot.

And can we give a round of applause to everyone involved in this movie because of this scene?! Finally we get something Period. May there be many more...

Period: Day One

Whilst on my period, I made a log of mentionable things that happened to my body and emotions. My plan was to make it for the whole week, but nothing worth mentioning happened after day one.

Day One:
 

• Happy observation in the shower! I can feel that it's coming today, AND I do not have a hideous zit on my face to show for it. 
• The cramps in my tummy and thighs tell me I'd better put a pad on. 
• Cramps worsen. Medicine: chocolate moose tracks ice cream--big thanks to my boyfriend. 
• Period starts. I hate pads--it feels yucky down there. My UKotex tampons (new designs and colors!) await me at home.
• Boyfriend does something totally harmless, and I give him a death glare without realizing it. Checks emotions and takes note that I am, in fact, pissy for no reason. Puts in extra effort to be nicer to everyone around me. (But especially my super nice boyfriend who bought me ice cream.)
• Cramps become worse, still. Medicine: 800 mg of ibu and unsweetened iced tea.
• Tampons! The new orange color is ugly, and I miss the yellow and blue colors. The purple can stay, just...please, not the orange. 
• Wave of fatigue hits. I feel that if I allow myself to crawl into bed, I may never come back out again. 
• The thought of eating dinner with my family is very sentimental, and I almost cry. Feels very emotional.
• Might watch My Sister's Keeper because I feel like I need a good cry. 
• Bloated. I look prego. 
• Puts in My Sister's Keeper, and then takes it back out because I don't want to cry that much. 

Something very interesting happened while I slept that night, too. If you want to read about my alternative way of getting rid of cramps, click here.

What's That...White Stuff?

My mom told me all about periods and childbirth and what to expect. The thing she never talked to me about was...

Discharge.

I eventually got over thinking there was something wrong with me, and accepted it as normal just because...well, during certain stages in a cycle, it's always there. It wasn't until I picked one of those little pockets books about changing bodies in Barnes and Noble that I really knew it was something every woman has. It was written by the writers of Cosmopolitan magazine. They also talk quite a bit about it on U by Kotex. This is a link to an article from them called The Details on Discharge.

So, what is it? That white stuff on your underwear is what your vagina secretes to keep itself clean. During certain times of the month, it's a little heavier than usual. That is normal--just grab a panty liner, and you'll be fine.

One day, I was in the dollar store, buying a package of panty liners for this very reason. My sister (two years younger than me) asked why I was getting those. I said, "Well, woman have discharge. It's normal, and I'm buying these so I don't have to keep changing my underwear." That's how I got over the awkwardness of talking about it.

Discharge is also a great tool your body uses to let you know whether or not everything is healthy down there or if you might have some sort of infection. Every woman's body is different, but you will know if yours is a little off. If so, just go see your doctor.

You know, I've known I should make a post about discharge for a while now, but it was the weirdest topic for me to talk about. So I waited. Now, though, it doesn't seem that weird. I'm actually excited for you girls and guys to read this!

Puberty Via Facebook was submitted to me by Anonymous.

 

I Miss You, Cycle

Here's something I wrote last year. Inspiration: I was on my stupid period, away from home, and missing my boyfriend. So, I wrote this ridiculous poem. Please enjoy.

Cycle   (4/2/10)

Why do I love

you so much when it hurts

like menstrual cramps?

But there’s no pill, no

bit of chocolate that

soothes the ebbing tide.

Pardon the imagery, but

if my heart didn’t beat so

rapidly as you cause it,

perhaps the flow wouldn’t

create such pain and leave

me reminded of you. Vicious

cycle! No padding in the world

could absorb the tears that fall

when I miss you like this.

Crazy? Overdramatic? Nasty imagery? Nahh.

Got questions? Funny or embarrassing stories? Comment here (you can do it anonymously) or send your stuff to me at jessie.pratley.blog@gmail.com  

Second (and Third) Puberty?

My periods have sucked and been irregular since the beginning. They lasted the full seven days and I had warning cramps for up to a week before it's arrival. On the first day, my uterus felt like it might explode if it didn't try to fall out first. All this was sometimes accompanied by puking.

And then I turned twenty years old.

My periods changed suddenly--went from seven days long to only about four! Imagine the niceness of that. Yes...quite nice. (If you can truly give any period that description.) My cramps died down a bit so that I sometimes didn't even need to pig out on chocolate and take 800 miligrams of ibu.

And then came year twenty one.

Everything went back to how it was before with the acception of two completely depised additions: Moodiness and Fatigue. I hate those two dastardly vllains.

Why the change? I call it my second and third puberty, but really...my body's never been able to make up it's mind. My cycle either isn't a cycle at all or has it's own idea of what a cycle should be.

Takeaway note: The period is just as individual is the woman it belongs to.

Dear Men was submitted to me by Anonymous. Send me your peoms, pictures, videos, comics, etc. about periods to jessie.pratley.blog@gmail.com

   

Guys Aren't Dumb

First off, I dedicate this post to my dear friend, P. Matt because he refuses to read my "girl problem blog". Who even says a period is a problem? (Only me and tons of other girls because it bloody hurts! Get it...bloody?)

Ok, for real. That was just to gross him out a bit in case he sucks it up and reads this.

I didn't have to tell my boyfriend when I was on my period was because he figured it out. Not because I was moody or said anything to the effect of  "It's that time of the month again". Gosh, no.

He just pieced together the pieces. I wouldn't go swimming on certain days around the same time every monh. (Had I not heard of tampons?? I guess not by that point.) Puzzle solved. Guys know what's what--they just don't want to talk about it. Why, I'm not so sure. Maybe because we've made it to sound like some nasty disease that must never be spoken of.

Let's change that, yeah?

Sleeeepy.

This menstrual fatigue is killing me! I feel like I can hardly make myself do anything.

This period particularly sucks.

Ridiculous Things I've Heard about Periods

1) They're icky. Ickier than boys.

2) When you're on your period, keep it more secret than any secret you currently have.

3) People can tell when you're on your period. (See the contradiction there? What's the point of keeping it secret if people can tell?)

4) Every woman turns into a homicidal, man-hating, banshee when she's on her period.

5) We don't want to make out, touch hands, or have our guys within five feet of us when we're on our period.

6) You shouldn't wear white.

7) For the love of all human kind, do not say the actual word "period"!

8) We wish we were born with different parts one week a month.

9) If you use tampons, it means you're no longer a virgin.

10) Periods simply suck and there's nothing we can do about it but pig out and lounge in our pajamjams all day.

11) It is, one hundred percent, Eve's fault that we bear so much pain once a month and during childbirth. (Adam had something to do with it, too. Hehe. And if they didn't bite that forbidden piece of fruit, dang it, their children would have.)

12) Guys don't need to hear about this stuff. Ever.

13) Getting your first period automatically, as if menses was some kind of magical occurrence, makes you a woman.

14) Hide hide HIDE those pads and tampons deep inside your purse so no one can ever see them!

15) When you're old enough to stop getting periods, you lose a part of what it means to be a woman.

All these stone-age beliefs do is hold us back and keep periods a taboo. It's okay to talk about it. It's okay to not act like a wicked witch while you're on it. You're officially a woman when you reach a point in your life when you feel like one, and it doesn't stop when you no longer have your period. Guys should know about this stuff. None of it is anything to be ashamed of. You're a virgin until you have sex. No need to hide your pads or tampons--you wouldn't hide a band aid, would you? You can wear white--just make darn sure you're covered.

Shake it up. Talk about it like you talk about anything else. Educate people. If we do this, sooner or later, young girls getting their first period won't be as mortified as you and I were.

Period Panties

Here's a tip for all you lovely ladies: Have a pair (or two or three) of period panties!

Period Panties [peer-ee-uhd pan-tees] noun: underwear  you've had for such a time  you don't care about whether or not they get blood stains on them. i.e. "Oh, these old things? I've had these for years. Yeah, they're stained--I don't really care."

Let's be blunt here. Sometimes periods show up unannounced. (Especially if you're irregular, like me, and your cycle has a cycle.) Other times, you think you're covered, but then you see that your favorite band is playing near you, and you jump around the room in joy, resulting in leakage. Now and then, those pads and tampons downright fail us.

For all those reasons, I designate a pair of my knickers as period panties. I wear these underwear on the first day of my period, since that's when "Aunt Flow" (GOSH, I'd like to know who came up with that name) is at her heaviest. That way I don't get my cutest pair of underwear stained and sad.

So, ladies, there is one of my personal tricks for you. Leave some comments about tricks of your own or email them to me at jessie.pratley.blog@gmail.com! I'd love to hear them.   

My First Period

What better way to begin a blog about periods than with the story of my first period?

I was twelve years old, in seventh grade. It was already a pretty crappy day because I lost my WWJD bracelet playing soccer during recess.

At the school I went to, we had scheduled bathroom breaks. (Of course, what a great idea...have all the fresh teenage girls go to the bathroom at the same time! *sacrcasm*) I walked to the bathroom with the rest of the girls just like I had every other day. The only difference this particular time was that when I sat down to pee, there was a bit of blood on my underwear.

Thankfully, my mom had talked with me about periods, so I didn't think I was dying or anything. Still, my heart raced, and I think I prayed something like, "Oh, God, please no..." Not because it was my period, but because it was my period at school. Body, HOW COULD YOU!?

I wrapped toilet paper around my underwear for temporary padding, acted normal at the sinks, and went back to class. There, I walked up to my teacher--female, thank goodness!--and took a deep breath. "Can I talk to you in the hallway for a minute, please?" 

In the hallway, with my teacher's Concern Face peering down at me, I said, "I think I just got my period."

 "Oh!" She sounded relieved. Maybe because she expected something worse? "Is this your first time?"

 I nodded.  Gosh, I wanted it to not be real.

"Do you have any pads?" she asked.

The only pad I had was the makeshift toilet paper pad, but I wasn't about to tell her that, so I said no.

She took me to the bathroom and showed me a little compartment in the corner that held pads in one drawer and tampons in other. How I had never noticed that before, I wasn't sure. (And why doesn't every school have these?) I thanked her, and she gave me some pointers. You'll probably want to wear pads...change it often...if the supply ever runs out, come get me.
Then she asked me if I had any blood on my underwear. I lied and said no. Admitting I did would have been the icing on the embarrassment.

I thanked her, and moved toward the stall, awkwardly holding the pad she'd handed me. I closed the stall door as she opened the bathroom door. I let out a breath of relief that the horror was over and sat down. Then, before my teacher left, she said these words to me that I replayed for the rest of the day--possibly the rest of the week: "Congratulations, Jessica. You're a woman now."

How awkward, I thought. Just go away. I mean, it was nice of her to say, and I'm sure she was trying to get me excited about it or something, but I didn't feel different. I didn't feel like a woman. I felt like I wanted to go home and cry.

My dad picked me up from school that day. I got in the an and casually said, like it wasn't a big deal, "So I started my period today."

 The only thing I remember him saying was, "Oh, no! Now you're going to start acting like a woman!"

"No, I'm not," I said. "I'm still the same."

I don't remember my mom's reaction, except that she made a big deal out of it, and all I wanted was for everyone to stop calling me a woman and leave me alone, dang it.

When I couldn't stop crying, and my little brother and sister asked me what was wrong, I told them I was sad because I lost my  bracelet. I'm pretty sure that's what I told myself too because it felt pretty stupid to cry about the fact that I had gotten my period. (And crying over a cheap bracelet is totally better.)

Since I couldn't stop crying, my mom took me to work with her that night. Aaaaand told everyone there that I started my period. Thanks, Mom, I want to die now.

So, it sucked. I really liked that bracelet.

How was your first period experience? Comment below, on my Facebook page, or find me on Twitter @Je55ieMullin5.