Period Funnies for Friday Night

Happy Friday night! Here are a few cool and funny period things to start your weekend with some giggles. (And we all know you especially need some if you're on your period over the weekend.)

If guys who know nothing about periods and tampons made a commercial for tampons, this is what would happen:

 

Aaaand a dash of cool. Here's a video game created by two women wherein the weapon is...tampons! YES.

Start the game here if you dare.

My high score is 35!

Finally, this is what it would look like if your period were a person:

The Red Badge of Courage

Have you seen The Camp Gyno? Yes --> Isn't it hilarious and super cute?
                                                       No--> Have you been in a coma?

Either way, here's the video. (Shout to out Allison for showing me this!)

If the video doesn't play, here's the link.

I'm dying to know what your favorite line is. Were you ever "The Camp Gyno"? Did or do you know someone who is? Comment below!

PS, Check out this post about my Period Blues Playlist.

PPS, If you're an artist or know an artist, stay tuned for a contest coming soon to a Period Fairy near you (it's this one)!    

BloodFest 2013: A Guest Blog Review about the Diva Cup

I'm so thrilled to announce that posts will be as frequent as Aunt Flow again since I now have a reliable computer. Yay!
So, what's new? I have an Author Faebook page and Twitter. Please "Like" and Follow me @Je55ieMullin5  Aw, thanks. You guys are the best. Now down to business.

You may remember guest blogger, Heavan (blog author of Classy Girls, a super cool blog about, well, keeping it classy). Remember her from this post where she encouraged you to name your uterus, and this other post about her first period? If you haven't read these because you were just born or just learned how to read or are simply new to Period Fairy, have a look!

You're in for a treat because--you guessed it!--she's written another one for us. (Thank you, Heavan!) Enjoy. 

Hello Fellow Period Fairy Readers!

I trust you all are doing well.  I am so honored to be writing for the period fairy again, and want to thank my GORGEOUS best friend for asking me to do so.  This month I wanted to share something with you all.

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a very long, very heavy cycle.  Complete with going through an entire box of pads (no worries ladies, I've talked to my doctor about this.  I'm just a little anemic, I promise. :D) I hated the beginning and the end of my cycle.  Beginning because of all the cramps, end because no matter WHAT brand I bought, I always had diaper rash. (Hold the comments until the end. :D)  It was the WORST!  I can't even begin to tell you the embarrassing moments I've had with this situation, but finally after a long week of bleeding, and diaper rash that was starting to get into the diaper sore stage (sorry, i know. gross.) I went to my doctor and said "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!"

This prompted some talking with my mother.  Thankfully, she went with me to the doctor, and she asked her a bunch of questions. Does Heavan have sensitive skin? Did she have a lot of diaper rash? Are there soaps or colors she can't wear?  All of which my mom said YES.  Which prompted another realization by the doctor: I was allergic to pads.  When asked why I don't wear tampons, I had to explain to this lady that I cannot wear them because my cycle is so heavy.  She said she would "get back" to me, and I left the office with a very puzzled look on my face and a tube of desitin.  Flash forward to the next month, my cycle fast approaching, when I call the doctor back and basically say "look, my impending doom is right around the corner.  can we figure something out about my itchy rump before it happens again?" To which she replied "come in, I have great news for you!"

I. WAS. PUMPED.  Maybe they made special pads for girls who are allergic to them.  Maybe she was going to give me a non-hormonal birth control pill that would take control of my cycles and then I could use tampons instead. (I can't take BC because of a disorder I have) Nope.  She suggested a little plastic thingamajig called a diva cup.  I said "what the crap is a diva cup?"  Well, I have taken the liberty to include the website right here:

www.divacup.com

The diva cup is a plastic cup that is used to...well, catch menstruation. Yes, you read that right.  It's a cup (made of silicone so you can rinse and reuse) that is placed inside the vagina and is to be changed every 8-10 hours depending on your cycle.  You simply stick a finger in your lady bits, hook onto the cup, pull it out, dump it in the toilet, and then rinse and reuse.

I was absolutely MORTIFIED by this whole concept.  I said "you want me to what now?"  She laughed and explained the entire process to me one more time.  I took the pamphlet home, got on the website and made the decision to get one. (Shout out to my AMAZING fiance who decided to purchase it for me, even though he was completely repulsed by this whole process)  So I sat patiently waiting for the fairy, and one night, she finally came.  I put the cup inside, and let it work its magic.

In the morning, I woke up, and there was NO blood anywhere.  I was so happy, it felt like I wasn't even wearing anything and while I was cramping like a banshee, I didn't even know I was on my period.  But then, I had to change it, and I got nervous.  My first thought was "aw, I'll wait."  But then I remembered hearing that I shouldn't wait more than 10 hours, because it could overflow. (Note: TSS is NOT possible with this product)  And I went to the bathroom, stuck my finger in my lady bits, closed my eyes, hooked my finger on the cup, and pulled.  That's when a traumatic event I like to call Bloodfest 2013 happened.

THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE!  I wasn't looking or paying attention to how hard I was pulling, and flung the dang thing across my bathroom floor.  It was the most repulsive, disgusting thing I have ever experienced.  Not to mention, explaining to my little brother why he couldn't go in the bathroom even though I was done using it.  Or telling my mom we had to get new rugs because I soiled the ones she had.  Embarrassing, to say the least.  But after all was said and done...I rinsed, I repeated, I cleaned up.

So hey, how do I feel about the diva cup?  I FREAKING LOVE IT.  It is the best thing I have ever experienced with the period part of my body, and I will DEFINITELY be using it again.  Once I got past all the blood and the gory accident I had, it was wonderful.

So, try it.  You might like it. :)  No leaks, no paying for tampons/pads, etc, and it's just...amazing.  Props to the makers of the diva cup!

I love you girls.  Really, writing for this blog is ALMOST as fun as writing for my other blog.  Almost.  (Though I do love my Bestie Jess. :D)

Here's a diagram! How fun are diagrams? SO. MUCH. FUN.

 Have you tried The Diva Cup? Did you like it? Do you have any questions for Heavan? Comment below! 

 

U by Kotex: You Had Me at Hello

As you know, I adore U by Kotex. Madly. The very reason I love them today is the reason I was drawn to them in the beginning. THOSE COMMERCIALS. Am  I right? What IS it with the white clothes in the field of lilies? Gag. No thanks. Periods are horrendous! The uterus becomes our nemesis. And U by Kotex isn't afraid to say so. Plus, I'm not going to lie...I do love the little black box! It's the new LBD. Go Team U by Kotex! I love being a part of this. So, why do you love your favorite brand?

 

"...Like a flower!"

Yes. Exactly. 

Juliet

I have the pleasure of introducing the lovely readers of Period Fairy to my beautiful niece, Juliet! Juliet is almost three years old, loves Diego, and knows nothing about periods. Duh, she's three. Let it slide, guys. Thing is, she will know about periods one day. She'll learn wherever she looks, whether that is her parents, friends, favorite magazines and TV shows, school, or even her favorite aunt. My hope for Juliet and all future generations is that she will not only absorb what is taught on the subjects of periods and vaginal health, but that she will ask questions! That she will talk with her friends about it. This is why I'm with U by Kotex and Generation Know, breaking the cycle of awkward whispers and smuggled products into public restrooms. Let's be open about this now so that when Juliet hits The Age, it's not a weird shame thing. Periods are normal. For Juliet, let's start the change now.

Short but Helpful Period Advice

Period hint no. 113:

Don't try to break in a new pair of jeans while on your period. You'll just end up feeling fat because you're bloated, and then you'll cry.

Get in the Know: Sharks Don't Care

Look, I tried for, like, an hour to make a video of me showing of my Generation Know bracelet! But...my internet is being slow, so the video was a no go. Here, instead, you have this fantastically blurry picture. The little charm on the bracelet says, "I know" in case you don't know how to read blur.

"I know" what? How much my internet connection doesn't care if I'm long overdue on making a post? Yes, but other things, too. Much cooler things, like...

I know...

You're not more likely to get mauled by a bear while on your period! Good news, especially for those of us who often kind ourselves in the company of bears.

You can't lose your virginity just by using a tampon. 

Guys can't tell when you're on your period! Unless you, say, cry over a plate of spaghetti and ask them if you look bloated and ugly today because it's, you know, that time of the month, and you feel really bloated and ugly.

You will not get attacked by a shark while on your period because sharks have better things to do. What that might be, I'm not entirely sure...

No one has ever gotten an STD/STI from a toilet seat.

You can totally get pregnant on your period!

Coffee can actually make your cramps worse during your period. Sad face. Not for me because I drink tea, but maybe sad face for you. 

Bananas will make you feel better while you're moping along during your period!

Spinach doesn't shorten your period. (I've never even heard that it could...) In fact, no food does. 

You can have sex on your period if you're into it. 

How do I know this stuff? Oh, no big deal, really, but maybe you've heard of Generation Know! You should have at least heard of it because I mentioned it at the start of this post, duh. Generation Know is...well, here. This video will explain it! 

You really should go check out their site! I mean it. Don't even finish reading this. Go! Go on, get. (I'm trying to White Fang you because it's in your best interest to check it out, and that's what true love is.) Plus, you can get a (free!) bracelet just like the one I have, minus the blur.  

One of my favorite features on the site is called Dear Little Sister. You might be able to guess what it is by the name, but on this part of their super fantastic site, you can write little notes to your "little sister" i.e. all the girls who haven't started their periods yet and might not know what to expect. This is especially cool because every time a note is written, UbyKotex donates $1 to Girls for a Change, a non profit that empowers girls to reach their full potential. How can you not want to write a note now? It's so easy! Dear Little Sister:

I got my period when I was twelve. I didn't talk to any of my friends about, which made it Weird. It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Talk about it!

Periods suck, but you will live.

Sometimes it feels like my uterus is trying to fall out of my Vagina.

Please don't cringe at the word "vagina". It's not a dirty, so don't treat it as such. 

Stuff like that. 

I encourage you all to be more open with one another about your periods and vaginas...vaginae? Is the plural of vagina really vaginae?? That's what my spell check tells me...Anyway.  Ask questions! Get in the know. Knowledge is power. 

Thank you for reading! And if you're still here, maybe I can White Fang you with this gem. (I tried to get the actual part where Schmidt White Fangs Cece, but this is all YouTube had. Someone get on that.) 

  #iknow

Generic Pads, Why Bleeding Sucks, and Why it Still Rocks to be a Girl: A Guest Post by Heavan

This is Heavan. And this guest post is her second, so let's give her a hot round of applause! (Seriously, do it. Thank you.)

Hello Ladies!

Hope all is well!  I'm very thankful my lovely ginger has invited me to write for period fairy.  I really wanted to talk about a few things on this post, so please forgive me if it's long.  Okay here it goes.
Let me start out by saying my visit from the fairy was a little unexpected.  February always sets my schedule back a week or forward a week in march.  It's always a guess with her.  Anywho, since the visit came unexpected, I was unprepared and very broke.  Enter visit to dollar general where they have two dollar overnight thin pads.  Which is what I use from U by Kotex. Well, for starters, THEY BLOODY SUCK. (pun intended.)  These little buggers stick to EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING.  Now, I've been using them all week, and I have a rash on my bum.  Why?  Apparently they're scented too.  Who DOES that? Anyway, don't ever buy a brand that isn't yours ladies. You might have an itchy butt by the end of the week.

Now onto other things.  The go of the flow! I know, a bit gross, but c'mon ladies let's face it.  Bleeding sucks.  I happen to bleed a little heavily, which I realize isn't "normal", however I know everyone feels like this.  You know, you sit down for a small period of time and then get up and it's like Niagara Falls just erupted in your panties.  Then you freak out, go to the bathroom, and realize it wasn't even that much.  And you feel like a noob because you just had a mini panic attack.  God forbid you wear any light colors.  I once ruined my favorite pair of jeans because of a Niagara falls incident.  Never again.  All black, all week. :D

This may be weird for you ladies, but I want to encourage you to name your uterus's.  It sounds stupid, but let me tell you it's really... therapeutic to be mad at someone rather than someTHING.  I named mine Olga.  She is a very robust, very pissed off woman.  Hence the German name. lol.  So the next time you're on your period and you want that brownie or hot wing, you can simply tell your boyfriend or whoever is listening "SO AND SO IS HUNGRY NOW".  They'll laugh because you named your body part, and know it's okay to be a little casual about something so natural that is a faux pax among society.  Try it.  I promise it helps.  By the way, Olga says hey. She's being the B word right now, so I'm kind of mad at her.

Lastly, I want to share why I love being a woman.  I used to hear my mother complain all the time when i was younger that she wishes she were a dude so she wouldn't have to go through a period.  And let me tell you, though it hurts, I cry WAAAYYY too much, and eat ALL the things...I love it.  I love waking up and being able to put on pretty things and paint my face.  I love putting in earrings and going to get my nails done.  I love gossiping about boys and drinking wine and loving love.  I love it when boys hold open doors and pay for things.  And TELL me I'm pretty.  I love the fact that I can hide when I'm aroused and talk about my boobs more casually than a guy and his junk.  I like being clean and smelling pretty.  I like being held and kissed on the forehead.  I was made to be a girl.  And like it or not girls, you were too.  Embrace it.  Talk with your boyfriends about your cycles and make them as comfortable with them as your girlfriends.  Trust me, my current boyfriend wasn't comfortable, but I made him understand what exactly I go through.  Why I need chocolate and violent video games.  Why one minute I'm laughing because he's hilarious and the next minute I want him out of my sight because I'm being pissy.  And frankly ladies, if he doesn't understand, he doesn't deserve you.  A TRUE gentleman respects EVERYTHING about a woman and wants to make her feel like a princess.  Just sayin'.

That's all for this week lovies.  I'm going to do a shameless plug and tell you to checkout my classygirls blog at heavansentler.blogspot.com; and remember that your visit from the period fairy isn't as bad as you make it out to be.  LOVE LOVE LOVE! :)

...

Thank you, Heavan, for this! Made me laugh and I coudn't wait to share it.
To my readers, Period Fairy will now come once a month (just like Period Fairy does!...Usually...) instead of once a week. I apologize for any weeping this may cause, but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

My First Time Using a Tampon

I was in tenth grade when I used my first tampon. I explained in this post why it was at this point I wanted to go from wearing pads to using tampons. I mulled it over for a while before I decided to use them, weighing whether or not it was worth the risk of TSS to have comfort and to feel clean. If you follow the link above, I talk about all the pros and cons there. I finally decided...Yup! Tampons.

Tampons are my friends! So cute. I want one...

I was at Walmart with my parents when I bought them. I remember saying, "I need some feminine products." Back then I was so shy about periods and thought that was less weird-sounding than, "I need some tampons."

My dad said, "What do you mean? Like makeup?"

I was mortified. And then, to make it worse, my mom said, "No, I think she means pads." 

"No," I said, "I want to try tampons this time." I also wanted to die from embarrassment because I had to say the word out loud. (Boohoo, right?)

But wait, there's more! My mom got all weird, and was like, "Do you know how to...you have to..."

"Ahh! Stop talking about it!" I said. "I'll figure it out."

And I did because the box of tampons I bought--Tampax Pearl--came with instructions (as does every box in every brand, so far as I know).


Thing is...I didn't put my first tampon in all the way. So when I stood up afterward and walked around, I could feel it. That's not supposed to happen.

And it freaked me out so much I passed out in the kitchen.

That's not even the worst part.

My boyfriend was over that day. Yup. Which, I mean, wouldn't even be a bad thing if it weren't for the following few minutes.

My mom found me on the kitchen floor, seconds after I passed out, and asked me what happened. Because I didn't wan to give her the secret real answer, I mumbled something about my period.  

She walked me into the living room and told me to lie down. My boyfriend sat down next to me and asked if I was okay just at the same moment his mom knocked on my door. I don't remember why. But she came in and saw that I looked awful and asked what was wrong. Then my mom chimed in with, "Oh, it's just woman stuff. We won't mention it in front of Gary." Gary being my boyfriend. And I know she was trying to be discreet for my sake, but I'd rather she just said it outright because the obvious secrecy was so...embarrassing. Like..duh! He knows what you mean by that. And then she said, "Maybe Gary should go home since Jessie's not feeling well."

And he left.

I'm over it now. Obviously, or I wouldn't be sharing. 

If you're unsure how to insert a tampon, like I was, here's an instructional video by U by Kotex:





Was your first time using a tampon easy or does your story sound like mine? Leave a comment below or email Period Fairy at jessie(dot)mullins5(at)gmail(dot)com!

Lots of love,
Jessie
@Je55ieMullin5