Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Heavan's First

Heavan, age twenty two, is a best friend a girl could ask for--a fearless woman and role model to many. She sings on the worship team at church, participates yearly at MyLead, proudly wears the label of "ginger", and will talk with me about yucky, embarrassing, secret periods. Here's the story, as told by Heavan, about her first period.

It was the second day of freshmen year.  I was completely stressing out because I was in high school finally, and I wanted everything to be perfect.  Chill out with my friends, ace all my classes, OWN high school.  I  felt like a complete weirdo, because here I was, 14 years old, IN HIGH SCHOOL, and all of my friends had gotten a visit from the period fairy; making them "women".  I felt like an awkward little girl this particular day, lugging my gym bag to class and into a locker room full of girls who were "so pissed they'd started on swim day". One girl asked me "do you have a tampon", and I simply said "I haven't started".  She looked at me like it was no big deal until my best friend decided to announce "NO NO NO girls, she hasn't started...PERIOD."  Talk about embarrassment as I suddenly had multiple eyes on me, staring me down like I was some sort of prepubescent teenager.  I quickly put on my suit and walked out.
Fast forward to gym class, where we were swimming laps for the first hour, and then had a lovely 30 minutes of "free time".  During this free time we could either stay in the pool or get dressed and start heading back to the high school.  (My gym was about a block away from the high school)  Wanting to beat the rush in the awkward locker room, I got out of the pool and got dressed and started to make my way to my back to my next class.
Next class was English, which I was about 4 minutes early for, so I sat down outside of the door and waited for the bell to ring.  Once it did, I went in and sat down.  I was in honors English, which meant we had to have a book read before school had started, along with a report.  Since this was the second day of school, meaning the first "real" day, it was due.  I sat my paper down on the teacher's desk, and quietly made my way to the back.   Once the class started to file in, the teacher announced that if we had our paper done we basically got a free period because this class was going to be spent writing it if you hadn't.  Being the bookworm that I was, I pulled out the next book we would have been reading and started to read.  Halfway through the class, I got these weird tummy cramps.  I thought that I had eaten something bad, so I took a couple of pepto pills I had in my purse, hoping it would subside.  When the cramps got worse, and started to go into my back, I decided that maybe I should go into the bathroom.  I took the bathroom pass and ran, feeling like I was going to throw up.  When I got to the bathroom and sat down to go pee, I nearly had a heart attack.  THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE.  I thought I was dying; lol, no but really I was freaking out.  My new school jeans were ruined, and I had one of two options.  I could go back into class, looking like some serial killer did a number on my lady parts causing MORE embarrassment, or I could call my mom and have her come get me.  I decided to go with the latter, having had enough embarrassment from the locker room.  So I called her, and OMG, was she excited.  "Ahhh HEAVAN YOU'RE A WOMAN NOW".  I simply said "Just bring me something and a new pair of pants"; because DEAR GOD were these cramps terrible.  I had no idea 'becoming a woman' meant you had to deal with so much pain.  Eve, I blame you.
30 minutes later, still awkwardly sitting on the toilet my mother FINALLY arrives with a bottle of naproxen sodium, a new pair of jeans, a pad, and a big box of chocolates.  I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "how did you know i was craving those", she said "woman's intuition".  After getting all cleaned up and changed, she said "wanna go home and relax? you must be tired"...I was in awe! How did she know I suddenly felt sleepy?  As we were leaving she said "you know your father is going to have a field day with this", Chocolates in hand, head held high, I simply said "yeah...ah dad" and walked out of that school with a sudden pride about myself.  I was a woman now.  Nothing was going to stop me. : D

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

"I've Got the World on a String"

My favorite reference to periods in any movie ever (as if there are many...) is the Period Mix scene in No Strings Attached. (Hated that movie because sweet Ashton Kutcher is far hotter than vulgar Ashton Kutcher. I'm not here to argue what is sweet and what is vulgar. If you like the movie, good for you. I did not.)

That said, Ashton's character was very sweet in this scene to have made his girl a period mix. It made me laugh a lot.

And can we give a round of applause to everyone involved in this movie because of this scene?! Finally we get something Period. May there be many more...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Period: Day One

Whilst on my period, I made a log of mentionable things that happened to my body and emotions. My plan was to make it for the whole week, but nothing worth mentioning happened after day one.

Day One:
  • Happy observation in the shower! I can feel that it's coming today, AND I do not have a hideous zit on my face to show for it. 
  • The cramps in my tummy and thighs tell me I'd better put a pad on. 
  • Cramps worsen. Medicine: chocolate moose tracks ice cream--big thanks to my boyfriend. 
  • Period starts. I hate pads--it feels yucky down there. My UKotex tampons (new designs and colors!) await me at home.
  • Boyfriend does something totally harmless, and I give him a death glare without realizing it. Checks emotions and takes note that I am, in fact, pissy for no reason. Puts in extra effort to be nicer to everyone around me. (But especially my super nice boyfriend who bought me ice cream.)
  • Cramps become worse, still. Medicine: 800 mg of ibu and unsweetened iced tea.
  • Tampons! The new orange color is ugly, and I miss the yellow and blue colors. The purple can stay, just...please, not the orange. 
  • Wave of fatigue hits. I feel that if I allow myself to crawl into bed, I may never come back out again. 
  • The thought of eating dinner with my family is very sentimental, and I almost cry. Feels very emotional.
  • Might watch My Sister's Keeper because I feel like I need a good cry. 
  • Bloated. I look prego. 
  • Puts in My Sister's Keeper, and then takes it back out because I don't want to cry that much
Something very interesting happened while I slept that night, too. If you want to read about my alternative way of getting rid of cramps, click here.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What's That...White Stuff?

My mom told me all about periods and childbirth and what to expect. The thing she never talked to me about was...


I eventually got over thinking there was something wrong with me, and accepted it as normal just because...well, during certain stages in a cycle, it's always there. It wasn't until I picked one of those little pockets books about changing bodies in Barnes and Noble that I really knew it was something every woman has. It was written by the writers of Cosmopolitan magazine. They also talk quite a bit about it on U by Kotex. This is a link to an article from them called The Details on Discharge.

So, what is it? That white stuff on your underwear is what your vagina secretes to keep itself clean. During certain times of the month, it's a little heavier than usual. That is normal--just grab a panty liner, and you'll be fine.

One day, I was in the dollar store, buying a package of panty liners for this very reason. My sister (two years younger than me) asked why I was getting those. I said, "Well, woman have discharge. It's normal, and I'm buying these so I don't have to keep changing my underwear." That's how I got over the awkwardness of talking about it.

Discharge is also a great tool your body uses to let you know whether or not everything is healthy down there or if you might have some sort of infection. Every woman's body is different, but you will know if yours is a little off. If so, just go see your doctor.

You know, I've known I should make a post about discharge for a while now, but it was the weirdest topic for me to talk about. So I waited. Now, though, it doesn't seem that weird. I'm actually excited for you girls and guys to read this!

Puberty Via Facebook was submitted to me by Anonymous.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I Miss You, Cycle

Here's something I wrote last year. Inspiration: I was on my stupid period, away from home, and missing my boyfriend. So, I wrote this ridiculous poem. Please enjoy.

Cycle   (4/2/10)
Why do I love

you so much when it hurts

like menstrual cramps?

But there’s no pill, no

bit of chocolate that

soothes the ebbing tide.

Pardon the imagery, but

if my heart didn’t beat so

rapidly as you cause it,

perhaps the flow wouldn’t

create such pain and leave

me reminded of you. Vicious

cycle! No padding in the world

could absorb the tears that fall
when I miss you like this.

Crazy? Overdramatic? Nasty imagery? Nahh.

Got questions? Funny or embarrassing stories? Comment here (you can do it anonymously) or send your stuff to me at